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Jesus' Son

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finger on the trigger to find you juliet [Feb. 19th, 2009|01:55 pm]
Jesus' Son
[mood |highhigh]
[music |" A Message to the Unknown " - Blessthefall]

i randomly got sick this week. funny because i was making fun of justin who was sick at brandon's for the duration of my last post. brian was also sick, and had the same exact thing as me so i'm sure that's where i got it from since rich and me were chilling with him a lot in the garage.

i've not gone to karate for a long while..i'm nervous to go back as is Rich because we've been out for so long. one thing after another has come up and being sick now i mean what am i supposed to do, it's out of my control. i also fucking bounced a check for karate which is awful. they want rich and me to attend some certified instructor training thing next friday..who knows what their thoughts are even about that anymore. we may not even go again today because i didn't go to work and have somehow been feeling like shit even after getting an antibiotic.

speaking of medicine the doctor gave me some liquid codeine, so i've been pretty high the past two days.

another random tidbit, i just realized my first martial arts tournament in lets see...more than 10 years, is on next Sunday. i can't believe it's here already and rich and me have basically not even gone to karate. my fucking god..

obviously you can tell this is what's been on my mind and bothering me. i know it will all work out for the best, but we all like to amuse ourselves with worrying, especially when we are bored.

fuck it. i'm going to listen to music and space out now.

p.s. i've posted over 75 journal entries on livejournal. ...that's insane to me.
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this vacation's useless, these white pills aren't kind [Feb. 16th, 2009|02:11 pm]
Jesus' Son
[mood |goodgood]
[music |" There Is " Box Car Racer]

" i miss when you used to come over more ian. "


i get a message on myspace from furm bones telling me i better not miss hella ballzy's second going away/birthday party or else. so, despite the risk of ending up in jail, i headed over there at 6 pm, just as the sun went down.

apparently i interrupted a private valentine's day meeting between the bones and annie cause i arrived so early. putting the asshole in me on the back burner, i agreed to spend 20 minutes in the basement while they played patty cake. i cracked open the first beer and used b nelson's laptop.

they got done i guess, because bones was walking around the basement looking for me in the bathroom... i emerged from nelson's cave and got back up to the living room couch to drink beer and await the start of the party. i watched Big Trouble and polished off six beers..i had arrived too early.

domald brought me a pizza home from his work cause i was hungy. i devoured it leaving only three pieces left, i was starving from not eating all day. people arrived and i realized in some way or other i'd be fucked that night since i was already drunk. i sat back down letting my digestive system vainly attempt to digest the 7 dollar medium pizza.

the alcohol began to take effect and i forgot about my full stomach. as is almost customary now i began to get rowdy. i paraded around the house walking between the kitchen and living room while wielding two beers at once, standing on a chair or table here and there to raise my can to the ceiling. during all of the beginning of the carnage i got to witness hella ballzy's cousin give this guy i don't know a lap dance. apparently she is a stripper..excuse me, " dancer ". she did have some..wild moves. she was pretty hot but i didn't get into it really. her movements were comical and at first i thought she was just trying to amuse herself with this reverse cowboy handstand dry hump routine, so i started to laugh awkwardly. when i realized she was serious i walked back into the living room.

i grew frustrated because beer pong i felt was necessary. hella ballzy is a great player and a personal rival of mine in the game so i wanted to face him one more time. D was my partner first. i sucked badly and let her down considerably, but of course i blamed the loss on her. my next partner was Sabin, an ex band mate. we dominated. i defeated hella ballzy atleast once before he left and was satisfied. Sabin and me ran the table for the next 30 minutes, but eventually i was betrayed. Sabin's original partner is Hella Ballzy and i knew if i partnered with Sabin it would mess with Hella Ballzy's head. as i said, my plan worked..however, i went to either grab more beer or snort a line of caffiene when Hella Ballzy stole Sabin back.

the caffiene took hold of me and i no longer dwelled in a drunken stupor. i commented on the effects, much to Hella Ballzy's delight since everyone at his party was saying it wasn't worth shit. this is when richard miller's ex fling thing walked up to me.

" hi, my name is chelsea. "

" i'm ian. how ya doin? "

" i'm drunk. "

she wasn't bad looking really. she even reminded me in a way of an ex girlfriend, well actually in a lot of ways. you could tell there was an insanity there. throughout me jittering on caffiene somehow i ended up as her partner for what turned out to be the last beer pong game of the night.

Hella Ballzy/Sabin vs. P-Lane/I Factor

" hey..i actually kinda suck at this game.. "

" ..what? why the fuck did you stand on my side of the table.. "

" - drunken giggling - "

" -_- "

" I'M JUST BEING HONEST WITH YOU! "

" we will win. "

the game started. she did suck pretty bad. they made cups left and right, it seemed they couldn't miss.

" ..i'm sorry, i said i sucked. "

" we will win. "

P-Lane shot and it didn't even touch the table. i aligned myself with the cups, did my pre-throw ritual movements with my arms, and then released the pong with confidence. it hit the back rim of the plastic cup, sunk into the beer and popped back out onto the table from the impact. i tore my white sox hat off and chucked it into the front of the fridge.

" FUCKING BULLSHIT! "

" ..we will win. " she said.

we didn't win. we lost by one cup. i quickly forgot and walked back out to the living room to fuck with the people that were passing out already.

the chaotic drunkeness continued. i began talking to bigsby and P-Lane. i brought up about how P-Lane had once been close to richard miller, which was humerous since he's a close friend of mine. this embarrassed her cause everyone knows rich there, and so she began to get defensive. i found this amusing until she attacked me. she smacked me with her fists on the back of my neck and from the force of impact i knew she'd not been serious. this happened about 5 times and each time ended up with her breathing heavily on the ground. she was more drunk than me.

i will admit a few shots landed solidly. enough for her to know she'd landed flush. after one such blow she felt guilty. in a form of truce we hugged. she insisted on looking into my eyes as she apologized to me while pressing her body against mine. i thought about it watching her.

" it's okay. "

i let her go and walked to the kitchen table to drink alone. bones and annie walked out of their room for the first time in hours and sat down near me. i just smiled and shook my head at them and bones simply nodded back while annie laughed, the last embers of the party carrying on in the front room attempting to ignite us all again.

the rest of the night carried on like many others. i remained awake drinking but glad that bones and annie were there so late. chelsea ended up entering and exiting hella ballzy's room repeatedly as he insisted she stay with him. throughout all of this she got so drunk that she barely could walk. on multiple occassions about five guys or so would rush to help her at once. shook my head and laughed. sipped the beer.

with daylight breaking i gathered my things. no goodbyes, just a half smile to any who noticed. i walked back out the door into the cold morning.

i checked my wiper blades and found no 50 dollar parking tickets. opened the door, got in, started her up. lingering ice on the windshield fucked with my easy drive home. but i turned on the defroster and eased forward heading back towards my house for a countless time as sunlight broke over the horizon.

i rolled to a stop. turned the key, removed from the ignition. closed the car door behind me, checked to make sure the lights were off. walked up the driveway, opened the door, took off shoes. walked to my room. checked myspace. no messages. no comments. checked phone. layed and thought about work tuesday.

back to normal life.

and i'm glad.
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i've given a lot of thought to the nights we used to have [Feb. 12th, 2009|03:26 pm]
Jesus' Son
[mood |lazylazy]
[music |" When distance is the closest reminder " - 36 Crazyfists]

been in off and on weird moods lately. this week has been the biggest slack week i've had in about a month. not even going to karate until saturday, so i'm sure they will be pissed, but i pay them 200 dollars a month so i really don't give a damn.

i slowly started up drinking again, i'm going to keep an eye on it and control it though. i've got it at a decent moderate level right now which is good for me. as soon as i start to gain the weight back i've been losing i'm cutting out all alcohol again. that's right, ian's begun the quest of getting back into shape.....again. but this time with a different approach to my diet and with the aid of karate it's been moving along nicely. since the lifestyle changes i've lost 5 1/2 pounds of fat, and it's only been two weeks. it's interesting i'm losing the weight at exactly the recommended level, 2 pounds per week. i'm always harder on myself, especially about being in shape and though some people disagree, i still feel that i could lose another 5-6 pounds. i may even shoot for another 10 1/2 so i can get down to 150 again. after i drop to whatever i decide my eventual goal to be i'm going to work up the weight again but this time piling on just the muscle instead of piling on fat as well.

ha, i could talk about nutrition and body chemistry like forever, it makes me wonder sometimes that maybe i should have went to school to be a personal trainer or something. ..nah, fuck that, i'd probably be taking my trainee to the bar after the gym for a couple drinks.

rich has been obsessed with Dragonball Z, which i find hilarious cause i used to be obsessed with it also..but i was in like 6th grade. oh well, i got to see my favorite episode of that show last night called " The Final Atonement " when the greatest character ever sacrifices himself for everyone.

the woman situation is beyond me. i feel that maybe i'll be happy if i give this one thing a try, but i also don't feel like pushing for anything and instead letting it develop naturally. i like not knowing how my future will be and who i will end up with though, because when you don't know or have any idea the possibility of what could be is endless.

as for this valentine's day coming up if you're in my situation it'd probably be best to consider a religious vocation. =)

catch ya later
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and when the shadows fell, i won somehow [Feb. 10th, 2009|01:39 am]
Jesus' Son
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |" Mo Money Mo Problems " - The Notorious BIG ft. Puff Daddy, Mase]

ian is back. i'm going to start posting these random entries again, although my life may not be as interesting as four years prior, it will still be out of control none-the-less..it's ian after all. i'm too tired to post major shit right now, i just wanted to contribute some kind of shit that moves me past the previous entry.

in short: i've started karate again, i work for the school district still but make over a dollar more than i did before, my best friends remain the same, i am single and content with it, i've started researching and practicing Taoism, i've changed my diet drastically, i have a warrant out for my arrest, my car somehow still runs, i'm up too late right now, i miss some people, i don't understand some people, can't wait for baseball season, yaaaaaaaaaaaawn

i'm out homies. need some sleep for the long day tomorrow.

catch ya later
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i'd scream this song right in your face, if you were here [Jan. 5th, 2008|12:01 pm]
Jesus' Son
[mood |okayokay]
[music |" say it to me now " - glen hansard]

" i don't see what makes it so easy to get over us..and me "

-me

" you are what makes it easy. "

-her

i only seem to post in this thing like once a year..and strangely enough the last post in here is about being ultimate happy with the girl that's pretty much destroyed me. horrible emotional turmoil brought me to drink constantly for two weeks straight, every single day until i'd just pass out and wait to face the next bleak morning. we still talk as friends and such, and i would lie if i said i was entirely over her, or even if i said if she were to take me back i wouldn't go..but i am slowly becoming comfortable with where i am now. she acts as though she is completely over us and me, but she has moments in her days when she misses what used to be. she's asked me to go to lunch with her on monday..though, i'm not sure what her motivation may be..if there even is any. i'm not even entirely sure if i'm going to join her with how sparatic our communication is. more and more i'm seeing that after i got to know her, she never was the best for me. to be fair to her, i won't list those reasons. i will say that two mornings ago, i sat back and thought about how much less it hurts now and that made me happy just in knowing eventually i will be healed.

i now work for the school district as a computer tech, so that's not so bad. i make 12 dollars an hour, the most i've ever been paid. i basically sit around all day and show teacher's how to access their e-mail, or use the vcr. it's easy, i get paid a lot for how little i work, i love it.

i've recently become friends with a teacher named Cheryl, who i did have a
crush on for awhile..though going along with my current run of luck, she randomly is now engaged @_@ . ha, amazing.

actual development has been taken more seriously than ever in formation of a solid band. i know sing and play guitar in Karma's Back , you should check us out, we have sweet jams already.

i'm hoping to cash my check here from the school soon, and thankfully my car should finally be fixed after hitting that tree today. then it's party time for tonight.

the ultimate sweetness though..

..i will be 21 in like four days.

yay

x Im 0n fir3 x (12:05:39 PM): you should mention how outrageously awesome I am in it
Asleep in Me (12:08:17 PM): Lmfao
x Im 0n fir3 x (12:06:02 PM): ..Ian, the facts in life are not so laughable
x Im 0n fir3 x (12:06:03 PM): ;P
x Im 0n fir3 x (12:06:11 PM): and that is one of them
Asleep in Me (12:09:18 PM): is that so?
x Im 0n fir3 x (12:06:52 PM): absolutely
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everything's different, my head in the clouds [Jan. 16th, 2007|07:59 am]
Jesus' Son
[mood |contentcontent]

" if love was like dinosaurs like in Land Before Time, mine would be the biggest Sharp Tooth, or the biggest T-rex ever. "

it's been a little bit since i've updated this here live journal and i suppose i might as well. life is great. at first, i'd typed " life is good " but that couldn't do. everything is going great. my job should start Thursday at the ELGIN, wal-mart, thankfully not Batavia. i quit smoking cigarettes on New Years Eve and haven't had a single drag since and don't plan on it.

and so, i'm going out with this girl named Jess. yeah, it's kinda crazy and out of nowhere but amazing all at once..which is how these things should be i'm thinking.

we have a good relationship.

we laugh, we fight, we hug, we kiss, we sleep, we yell, we get rough, we slow down, we breathe, we shake, we touch

she runs around, i chase her, she cries, i hold her, she dances, i watch her, she smiles, i adore her
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I told em', " mother fucker, i ain't never scared " [Dec. 19th, 2006|08:36 pm]
Jesus' Son
[mood |chipperchipper]
[music |" Angel " - Massive Attack]

" you'd be like ' No Ian, I can't handle it! '

and I'd go

' Hah. ' "



Here I am once more posting to the sweetness that is live journal. I should try and start this up regularly again, it was pretty interesting to look over old posts of mine last night with Lisamarie. ..which is pretty much why I'm posting in this now, after our conversation last night.

So, guess where Ian is going to be working? Fucking Wal-mart, sadly. I'll be working at the one in Batavia most likely, at nights..so yeah, good luck getting in contact with me often. My hours will be 10:00 pm until 6:30 am.

Last night, I got somewhat intoxicated early on the evening and played a wrestling video game with my bros. Rich wants to make this our " ritual " on monday nights, since he obviously misses when we all used to be into professional wrestling. I told Lisamarie I'm becoming a pro wrestler last night, which is pretty much the truth.

I've been eating like hell lately, to gain weight actually. Six meals a day, isn't that insane? So, check this out, I'll detail my little gainage of weight. Not last week, but the week before that, I weighed in at 148 pounds. Which actually is ten whole pounds more than I weighed last year. Anyways, last week, after I lived my increased diet of six meals a day, four at least..I ended up weighing in at 157. LoL, so that's like nine pounds in one week, which is probably not healthy, but whatever, I'm eating healthy food just lots of it. Tomorrow is my third weigh in day..but sadly, my diet hasn't been as up to strength as it was for that first week, so I doubt I'll be at 166, but we'll see what's up.
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pop tart, what's the matter? [Oct. 15th, 2006|01:00 pm]
Jesus' Son
[mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]
[music |" Try, Try, Try, " - Smashing Pumpkins]

" Ian, do you hate me? "

" . . why would I hate you? "

" I don't know. Everybody hates me . . "




" . . i don't hate you. "




it's been a good amount of time since i've been home, now. yet, i'm still in the same situation i was months earlier. i need to get a job horribly, finally i have a working car, however, that's only so great without a damn job to pay for gas. hopefully they'll be cool at guitar center and i'll end up selling people the doorway to their imaginations. i've been partying at a consistent rate this week. i've been playing guitar a lot more as well, getting back to what i feel will give me more of a purpose in this life. a bunch of us partied hard at a hotel and i'm sure there will be many hotel parties to follow with it's success, unless they got in trouble for the minor vandalism i caused accidentally to the tv that i wanted to throw over the balcony like a rock star.

..and no, i didn't even throw it over the balcony, i just freaked out the girl who's name was attached to the room and would have been held accountable had the television been destroyed. i find now that my sleep schedule is erratic. right now for some unexplainable reason, i take like a 3-5 hour nap in the afternoon and then party at night, staying up and reflecting until i finally go back to sleep once more.

to party or not party tonight is the question. since there's pretty much been a place to party every single night for the past few weeks i'm not even worrying about if something's up tonight. it's 8:21 am right now, just as long as the party doesn't start in early afternoon so i can get my nap in i should be fine. i'm going to go play guitar now.
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God, I miss you. [Aug. 14th, 2006|12:36 am]
Jesus' Son
[mood |curiouscurious]

Tonight, I had a long talk with this girl who I've always talked about..to pretty much every person I've met. Always I've wished that we could salvage the relationship we once had, because to me it didn't seem hard, we have talked since it was over and even became great friends after all was said and done. So I find myself even asking the question she was asking me earlier.. " Why didn't anything else happen? Why didn't we try again? "

I honestly wish I knew the answer to those questions. If I remember correctly, I did try to start things again but I tend to never be direct with the girls I like..and it seemed she just didn't catch on to what I'd been hinting the entire time. As time passed I simply accepted that we weren't going to get back together, and if we were it wouldn't be for many years..and so, I gave up on that and decided being friends with her was better than being nothing.

Of course, I've started drinking tonight, thinking about this..it's just like..I've never had a relationship like I had with Katie, ever. I don't understand how everything was so perfect and I just threw it all away. I always felt like..God has been playing a part in the entire relationship between us, it may seem fucked up to say, however, let me explain. I ended up forcing Katie to break up with me, after I ignored her for a long time when I was talking to this other girl..and like, of course I eventually went with this chick who pretty much brainwashed me into believing Katie was a bitch, and so I put Katie down in phone conversations and called her up pretty much being an unbelievable asshole. Anyways, soon enough, things with me and the other girl ended when she ended up leaving me for someone else ( what goes around comes around right? ) and tearing out my heart even worse than what I did to Katie. A friend once told me this was God slapping me in the face and calling me a dumb ass..which it could have been, for leaving something so perfect. Then, when I attempted to return to Katie, no matter how hard I tried it seemed she wouldn't take me back and we never would have what once was. Again, God punishing me for the gift I should never have taken for granted.

Tonight, I received a random instant message from Katie. She asked about if I ever thought of us, and if I ever wondered why nothing else happened, which I have. So I told her, and how that song Konstantine by Something Corporate has always reminded me of her. Of course..God would twist this again on me, Katie finally tells me how she truly feels and she's so far away in Iowa, it just makes me wonder why things tend to never go my way, especially with Katie.

Maybe, something will happen, eventually..like I don't even know..everything is so confusing in my life and now I have this as well to add to the mix. Maybe something will come of this in the future who knows..I just always have wondered why things never seem to work between Katie and me.
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And though my battle's just begun, I'm dropping arms and going to run. [Aug. 13th, 2006|05:43 am]
Jesus' Son
[mood |awakeawake]
[music |" I miss you " - And then I turned seven]

Wow, so it's been an eternity since I've updated this journal. When reading over this journal in the future I will have to remind myself to disregard the previous posts which talk of my dreams and aspirations of becoming a Navy SEAL. I was a promising sailor, and though the dive motivaters in boot camp proved challenging, once I got established in Pensacola I had indeed resumed my efforts of that seemingly impossible dream.

Tragedy struck when I was caught returning to the base after attending a very intense and wild session of partying. They ended up taking everything from me and throwing me into Navy Jail with a sentence of 45 days. I began to loathe the Navy after this and sunk deeper into the hole I dug myself, getting in trouble while in Jail with my cell phone and fighting continuously. It just seemed that the Navy wasn't the life for me.

And here I am. Back to my old ways in the Elgin, Illinois living without any serious cares in the world. It seems like a dream, really. I closed my eyes and opened them to find myself wearing a uniform and nervous as hell about being fifteen minutes early to appointments, and then closed and opened them again, and here I am slightly inebriated in my home town typing up a live journal post.

Though it was rough in the end, I am honestly greatful for the experiences that I lived while enlisted for the few months I was. I had the privelege of meeting some amazing souls and people I will never forget. All in all, I'm happy to be back home, after missing all of my friends here intensely.

In other news, tonight Brandon, Mik, and me deciding to have the " Beer Olympics " at a local park which consisted of sliding backwards down slides while drinking, as well as spinning around wildly on a swing set. While the antics proceeded, I decided to text a variety of individuals in my cell phone drunkenly exclaiming that I represented Ireland. In the end, both downtown Elgin as well as GCP failed to conquer mighty Ireland and bowed to me, making my gold medal official. I am the Beer Olympics gold medalist.

Well, just figured I'd post a quick update, while I continue to drink the rest of the alcohol that was left over at 6:00 am.

You love it.
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